Side by Side
by uptightcrankyshadownet
Summary: Alex's outbursts during pre-Division training and how Nikita handles them.


Nikita wasn't sure why Alex was having another one of her angry, rebellious phases. She'd stabilized after months of training with Nikita, beginning to understand her rationales behind things she was allowed and denied as well as exactly what Division was capable of doing. She was strong, resilient, and intelligent beyond expectations. Nikita was incredibly proud of her, having grown and matured from the girl she saved what seemed like eons ago.

But occasionally, the pressure got to Alex- a kind of stress that even sparring on the training mats couldn't relieve. It would usually start with a trigger that reminded her of her past, her father, the fire, and then it would lead to panic attacks, tantrums, outbursts and the like before she'd simply fall asleep in exhaustion, having sapped up all her energy. She'd wake up ravenous, unable to remember more than vague snapshots intermixed with gaps of simple nothingness, and pounding headaches. They were getting less and less common as Alex grew hardier and learned to suppress and fight her own mind, automatic reactions and subconscious, the way she would have to in Division. But she was still learning. Few and far apart they were, but the explosions still happened.

This time, Alex had already swept an entire row of meticulously-cleaned wineglasses off the table, not flinching in the least when they shattered into a pile of sharp, glittering crystal shards. Her eyes were alight with rage and frustration, haunted with ghosts of her past. "I want to get out there! I've waited long enough!" Her voice was raw and layered with bloodlust as she lunged towards Nikita with a fruit knife in her hand. Her mentor easily grabbed the knife and flung it to a safe distance, pinning Alex to the ground with one knee.

"Stop it, Alex." Nikita soothed her, brushing the matted hair on her forehead away from her wild eyes. "It's going to be okay. Just calm down." She'd learned from trial and error that the best way was to simply immobilize Alex until the fatigue wore her out and she fell asleep, which was when Nikita knew the worst would be over. Soon, Alex would be fine.

"Just watch me leave!" Alex screamed at the top of her lungs, her voice slurring erratically. "I'll walk right out of that door and start _doing _something... unlike you! And you won't be able to stop me!"

The words stung and Nikita flinched, even though she knew that Alex didn't mean them, that her addled mind was reverting back to primal instinct to protect herself from emotional harm again. The moment of vulnerability was enough for Alex to take advantage of, forcing Nikita off her and running for the door. Nikita was there before she was, what with Alex unable to get her wits together completely. Her back pressed flush against the doorway, grabbing Alex's shoulders and keeping her at arms length. "Alex."

Alex's eyes grew lacklustre as she sank bonelessly to the floor, quivering with silent sobs. Nikita squatted, and wrapped her arms around the Russian girl's petite frame, pressing her lips against her forehead. "Baby, if you ever try to leave again," She murmured as she cupped Alex's cheek. "I swear I'll kill you."

She said it lightly, and against her will, a faint laugh bubbled out from between Alex's lips as she tucked her head against Nikita's shoulder. The fit was subsiding- Nikita felt the relentless rage and vexation ebb away in every moment Alex made in Nikita's embrace. Her breathing grew steady and deep, and before long, she was asleep.

Nikita let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Once again, potential disaster had been avoided.

Alex woke up just in time for dinner feeling the usual symptoms of the aftermath of an attack. The only difference was that this time, she remembered everything she'd done. Vividly. It was a monstrous revelation, knowing that what had happened was probably similar to every other attack she'd ever experienced. And what she'd said and done to Nikita mortified her.

"Hey there," Nikita's familiar, comforting voice washed over Alex, like a salve to all her wounds. It made her feel at peace- safe- almost instantly. "You better now?" Alex's sensei sat down beside the bed, patting Alex's head affectionately. "I got dinner."

"I remember. What just happened." The words tumbled over each other out of Alex's mouth. "Everything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Nikita's eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly. "That's progress; you remember. Well done, Alex." She paused, seemingly considering, then dropped the professional act and let her smile of relief blossom across her face. "I was so worried about you, Alex. I don't want you to run away and get hurt on some half-baked search for revenge. Please."

Alex nodded bashfully, eyes pleading. "I- I don't know what came over me. I just... I would never think of doing that." She took a deep breath and covered the hand Nikita had resting on her bed with her own. "I don't want to leave you. Ever," She gazed up at Nikita shyly, letting the meaning of her words sink in.

Nikita struggled against the lump in her throat and the overwhelming warmth in her chest. "You're going to have to leave my side, soon, you know." Alex's smile fell for a moment, then regained its radiance when Nikita continued. "But you're never going to leave my heart. You know that, don't you?"

Her protege nodded. "I know I'll make it through Division with you by my side, out there."

"Me too, baby girl." Nikita hugged her tightly. "We'll take them down. Side by side. You have to stay safe. I can't do this without you."

"Yeah. I will." Alex beamed. "Together."


End file.
